Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Nigerian Men (tality) 3

Just in case you're wondering, I'm trying to recall and narrate awkward hit-on encounters from the perspective of an under 21yr old. This is the fourth case against our my 9ja fellas, mallams and brodas.

CASE 4:

Last summer, when I was interning at a financial institution, I met 2 Mallam-Alhaji dudes (my papa figures right? coming from the same region). Wait before I get there, Everyone claimed I looked 12 or 14 age wise (I did a post about those who looked younger than their real ages in AGELESS BEAUTIES) and I've heard I don't look 'northern' so keep that in mind for the continuing story (Did a post on HAUSA Stereotypes).

Anyway, despite being seen as a kiddo at work, these two mallams decided I was old, vacant and fit enough. (HISS!) Mallam A. came to get a loan or something that had nothing to do with my department but somehow, he was always lurking around talking to one of my unit's bosses (a Hausa man too). So after two days of coming to the bank, He finally caught me while I was filing documents. Stylishly, swiftly, and sharply, he asked,

"whats your name?"

For the sake of customer service and of course respect for elders I told him my English first name. Then he said

"So,...I am interested can I apply?"

In my mind, I'm like " apply for a job, or a loan?"

HELL NO, HE'S APPLIED FOR THE LOAN ALREADY!

In reality it hit me "honey, he just hit on you, a 14yr old look-alike. Paedo-!!!"

I don't know what he was thinking and the benefits attached to a sucessful application but I left the filing to find work else where. He spent the next 2 or 3 hours chilling in the visitors room sending another intern to call me. Unfortunately, I had errands in that area so I did 'matrix' back and forth.

Anyway, I eventually had to face him and started intentionally started speaking hausa. He was shocked to his bones. Sorry, I'm going to be stereotypical but did he think I was some loose-ass omoge tryna sip Alhaji- Sugar daddy's liquidity (economics joke. Lol! byw, liquidity means cash availability). The Hausa was good shocker already so I'll be calling my Baba to ship him to 'Kano courts' if he continues submitting 'applications.'

Finally, the chica he sent to call me (for the tenth time or something) delivered his 'application' message in front of one of my bosses (the hausa man I mentioned earlier). He asked "whatsup?" and I told him. See vexing oh! Anyway, the news kinda spread and people tried to protect me from the dude without spoiling any show.

Imagine, somebody everyone thought was 14yrs old getting 'applications' from grown ass obviously married mallams? Thats my problem- the age factor. So in his eyes (without asking me) I looked like a 23yr old vacancy? I don't understand. Trying to find he's daughter's agemate to add to his harem. He better hit reset button and find legitimate vacancy 'cause qualifications are lacking.

May God forgive his intentions.

More on Mallam B.

The LaLa so far,...

Ladi.

3 comments:

That's naija men for you...there are a lot of old shameless men out there..
Thanks for stopping by my blog...
luvin ur blog and keep rockin with you 14yr old looking self..lol

My sista, it isn't just Nigerian men. I worked at the AfDB one summer. I was in college and only 17. My boss, a grown man in his early 40s, married with kids, chased me the entire summer. Unlike you who look younger, he thought I was older than my actual age. But no matter what, I would still have been too young for his married self, no?

Na wa oh! BTW, he was from Lesotho. Or was it Swaziland? I forget. lol!

NIGERIAN CURIOSITY
IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN I ONLY HAD ONE...

I'll make it African Men. They still have the 16th century mentaity

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